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Games: (MOVED) Join Me In A Laugh

Created by: g-mann

6/7/09 @ 2:20pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Teddy's BBQ Place in Hello Kitty Land on Route 66
Posts: 9,786

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Glad it made you smile Lauren :winkwink

There are a few other threads that have jokes in them also. These posts tend to get bumped up once in a while because we add to them, so you may find more to laugh at then you thought. Btw, if it was someone on here that made you need a laugh, I am sorry for that. At least those are few and far between

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Created by: d9itl8r

6/7/09 @ 2:26pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Practicing my Lotto 6/49 Happy Dance !
Posts: 3,143

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Three men were waiting at Heaven's Gate. St. Peter says, "OK, guys, pretty much anything goes up here, but whatever you do, never lie, or you will spend the rest of eternity with the ugliest women in the universe."

So they all agree and are admitted in. The first guy makes it a week before he lies about how rich he was on Earth. Bam! Right at his side appears the ugliest woman he had ever seen.

The second guy makes it another couple weeks before he lies about how smart he is. Bam! At his side appears the second ugliest woman in the universe.

So the first two guys are walking around with their monsters of women when they see their third friend walking with the hottest woman ever conceived by man. The first two guys say in unison, "How did you land with that babe when we get stuck with these nasty women?"

He nudges the babe and says, "Tell them." She says to the first two guys, "I lied."

:orglaugh

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Created by: d9itl8r

6/7/09 @ 2:38pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Practicing my Lotto 6/49 Happy Dance !
Posts: 3,143

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A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him.

The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next stop. When the bus starts again, the bus driver says to the hippie, "If you want, I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you."

The hippie of course says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the lord. "If you went dressed in robes and some glowing powder," says the bus driver, "You could tell her you were God and command her to have sex with you."

The hippie decides to try this out. That Tuesday, he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun. Right on schedule, the nun shows up. While she's in the middle of praying, the hippie walks out from hiding, in robes and glowing with a mask of god. "I am God, I have heard your prayers and I will answer them but you must have sex with me first," he says.

The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity. The hippie agrees to this and quickly sets about having sex with the nun.

After the hippie finishes, he rips off his mask and shouts out, "Ha ha, I'm the hippie! "

The nun replies by whipping off her mask and shouting, "Ha ha, I'm the bus driver!"

I know I just posted a joke, but I had to post this one :angel

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Created by: g-mann

6/7/09 @ 6:29pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Teddy's BBQ Place in Hello Kitty Land on Route 66
Posts: 9,786

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One night Little Johnny was really scared sleeping by himself at camp, so he sprints out of his tent and runs to his teachers tent and asks "Miss can I please sleep with you tonight ?".

His teacher replies "NO"

Johnny moans and says "But my mummy lets me".

"OK then, just for tonight" the teacher replies.

Johnny jumps into bed with her and asks "Miss can I please play with your belly button with my finger".

She again says "NO".

"But my mummy lets me" says Johnny again.

"Well I suppose it's OK" replies the teacher.

Things are silent for a few minutes until the teacher leaps up screaming "THAT'S NOT MY BELLY BUTTON"

Little Johnny replies "It aint my finger either".

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Created by: Kat Phillips

6/7/09 @ 6:37pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00

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Lmao!!!!!

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Created by: Jade Hope

6/7/09 @ 6:43pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00

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The priest in a small Irish village loved the cock and ten hens he kept in the hen house behind the church. But one Saturday night the cock went missing! The priest knew that cock fights happened in the village so he started to question his parishioners in church the next morning.

During Mass, he asked the congregation, "Has anybody got a cock?"

All the men stood up.

"No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?"

All the women stood up.

"No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock that doesn't belong to them?"

Half the women stood up.

"No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen MY cock?"

All the nuns, three altar boys, two priests and a goat stood up.

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Created by: Ashlynn Kannelis

6/7/09 @ 7:56pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00

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Oh man, it took me about an hour to read all these, but I laughed hard. A great way to start work! Haha

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Created by: g-mann

6/8/09 @ 5:58am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Teddy's BBQ Place in Hello Kitty Land on Route 66
Posts: 9,786

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What Not To Say To A Naked Guy

1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahh, it's cute.
3. Who circumcised you?
4. Why don't we just cuddle?
5. You know they have surgery to fix that.
6. It's more fun to look at.
7. Make it dance.
8. You know, there's a tower in Italy like that.
9. Can I paint a smiley face on that?
10. It looks like a night crawler.
11. Wow, and your feet are so big.
12. My last boyfriend was 4'' bigger.
13. It's ok, we'll work around it.
14. Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim?
15. Eww, there's an inch worm on your thigh.
16. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
17. Oh no, a flash headache.
18. (giggle and point)
19. Can I be honest with you?
20. My 8-year-old brother has one like that.
21. Let me go get my tweezers.
22. How sweet, you brought incense.
23. This explains your car.
24. You must be a growing boy.
25. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
26. Thanks, I needed a toothpick.
27. Are you one of those pygmies?
28. Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?
29. Every heard of clearasil?
30. All right, a treasure hunt!
31. I didn't know they came that small.
32. Why is God punishing you?
33. At least this won't take long.
34. I never saw one like that before.
35. What do you call this?
36. But it still works, right?
37. ####, I hate baby-sitting.
38. It looks so unused.
39. Do you take steroids?
40. I hear excessive masturbation shrinks it.
41. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
42. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
43. Oh, I didn't know you were in an accident.
44. Did you date Lorena Bobbitt?
45. Aww, it's hiding.
46. Are you cold?
47. If you get me real drunk first.
48. Is that an optical illusion?
49. What is that?
50. I'll go get the ketchup for your french fry.
51. Were you neutered?
52. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
53. Does it come with an air pump?
54. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
55. Where are the puppet strings?
56. Your big gun is more like a BB gun.
57. Look, it fits my Barbie clothes.
58. Never mind, why bother.
59. Is that a second belly button?
60. Where's the rest of it?
:orglaugh

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Created by: g-mann

6/8/09 @ 6:03am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Teddy's BBQ Place in Hello Kitty Land on Route 66
Posts: 9,786

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Good Girls -v- Bad Girls

Good girls loosen a few buttons when it's hot. Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons.

Good girls only own one credit card and rarely use it. Bad girls only own one bra and rarely use it.

Good girls wax their floors. Bad girls wax their bikini lines.

Good girls blush during love scenes in a movie. Bad girls know they could do it better.

Good girls think they're not fully dressed without a strand of pearls. Bad girls think they're fully dressed with just a strand of pearls.

Good girls wear high heels to work. Bad girls wear high heels to bed.

Good girls say, "Don't... Stop..." Bad girls say, "Don't Stop..."

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Created by: Carla Lopez

6/8/09 @ 7:20am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00

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As a little boy walks out the door to go to school, he peers into the keyhole of his parents bedroom,,,He immediately walks of frustrated exclaiming " And the bitch tells me not to suck my thumb!"

A guy goes to hell and while there he gets a tour given by the devil himself. The Devil and the man have the following conversation:

Devil: Do you like Golf?
Man: I love Golf!
Devil: Well you are going to love Mondays, it's golf day.
Devil: Do you like bowling?
Man: I love bowling!
Devil: Well, you are in for a treat, Tuesday is bowling day.
Man: This is not so bad.
Devil: Do you like sex?
Man: I love sex, I could do that all day everyday!
Devil: Do you like have sex with other men?
Man: Hell no! I am not gay!
Devil: Well,,,,you're going to hate Wednesdays!!

Another one and I'm done,,lol

A guy goes to hell and as he is walking through the different rooms, he is told that he is able to select the room where he wants to spend eternity. In the first room, there are people walking on flames and screaming with pain. The main cringes and says,,please take me to another room. In the second room, there are people being beat with whips. As the man watches he again cringes and says please, the next room. As the proceed to the next room he sees a group of people standing up smoking cigarettes with shit up to their knees. The guy says this is the best room yet aside from the shit. He decides to select this room. He is put into position and given his cigarette. Before he can even light up a voice comes over the loud speaker and says "Ok, break time over, back on your heads."

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Created by: lickau

6/8/09 @ 10:07am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Moving slowly but surely somewhere sometime
Posts: 29,285

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As a little boy walks out the door to go to school, he peers into the keyhole of his parents bedroom,,,He immediately walks of frustrated exclaiming " And the bitch tells me not to suck my thumb!"
A guy goes to hell and while there he gets a tour given by the devil himself. The Devil and the man have the following conversation:
Devil: Do you like Golf?
Man: I love Golf!
Devil: Well you are going to love Mondays, it's golf day.
Devil: Do you like bowling?
Man: I love bowling!
Devil: Well, you are in for a treat, Tuesday is bowling day.
Man: This is not so bad.
Devil: Do you like sex?
Man: I love sex, I could do that all day everyday!
Devil: Do you like have sex with other men?
Man: Hell no! I am not gay!
Devil: Well,,,,you're going to hate Wednesdays!!
Another one and I'm done,,lol
A guy goes to hell and as he is walking through the different rooms, he is told that he is able to select the room where he wants to spend eternity. In the first room, there are people walking on flames and screaming with pain. The main cringes and says,,please take me to another room. In the second room, there are people being beat with whips. As the man watches he again cringes and says please, the next room. As the proceed to the next room he sees a group of people standing up smoking cigarettes with shit up to their knees. The guy says this is the best room yet aside from the shit. He decides to select this room. He is put into position and given his cigarette. Before he can even light up a voice comes over the loud speaker and says "Ok, break time over, back on your heads."

:orglaugh

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Created by: d9itl8r

6/8/09 @ 4:49pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Practicing my Lotto 6/49 Happy Dance !
Posts: 3,143

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A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one.

Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man, that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days."

The man replied, "I agree with you completely."

"This must be a sign from God!" The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is
completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."

Then she hands the bottle to the man, The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle
and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cork back in and hands it back to the man. The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police."

What a BITCH :orglaugh

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Created by: d9itl8r

6/9/09 @ 3:58pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Practicing my Lotto 6/49 Happy Dance !
Posts: 3,143

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Subject: EVE'S SIDE OF THE STORY
After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve. "So,
how is everything going?" inquired God.

"It is all so beautiful, God," she replied. "The sunrises and sunsets
are breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful, but
I have just one problem.

It's these breasts you have given me. The middle one pushes the other
two out and I am constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them
on branches and snagging them on bushes. They're a real pain."

And Eve went on to tell God that since many other parts of her body
came in pairs, such as her limbs, eyes, ears, etc. She felt that having
only two breasts might leave her body more "symmetrically balanced".

"That's a fair point," replied God, "But it was my first shot at this,
you know. I gave the animals six breasts, so I figured that you needed
only half of those, but I see that you are right. I will fix it up
right away."

And God reached down, removed the middle breast and tossed it into the
bushes

Three weeks passed and God once again visited Eve in the Garden of
Eden .

" Well, Eve, how is my favorite creation?"

"Just fantastic," she replied, "But for one oversight. You see, all the
animals are paired off. The ewe has a ram and the cow has her bull. All
the animals have a mate except me. I feel so alone."

God thought for a moment and said, "You know, Eve, you are right. How
could I have overlooked this? You do need a mate and I will immediately
create a man from a part of you. Let's see.....where did I put that
useless boob?"

Now doesn't THAT make more sense than all that crap about the rib? :orglaugh

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Created by: g-mann

6/12/09 @ 1:30am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Teddy's BBQ Place in Hello Kitty Land on Route 66
Posts: 9,786

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A frustrated housewife decided her sex life needed spicing up after 20 years of marriage.

After her husband went to work she slipped out and went into a lingerie shop and picked up a pair of crotchless knickers. She went home, tarted herself up and donned the new garment and selected a short skirt to go with it. She greeted her husband when he came home from work and sat across from him after she prepares him a drink.

She slowly spread her legs,and in a husky come f**k me voice says "Honey, would you like some of this?"

The husband looks between his ageing wife's legs and lets out his breath, looking up at his doting wife replies, "HELL, NO! Look what it's done to your underwear."

:orglaugh

A high school English teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being there tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family - but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"

A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raises his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering.

When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand." :jerkoff

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Created by: g-mann

6/13/09 @ 3:00am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Teddy's BBQ Place in Hello Kitty Land on Route 66
Posts: 9,786

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Q: Why doesn't a chicken wear pants?
A: Because his pecker is on his head!

Q. What did the penis say to the condom?
A. Cover me im going in!

Q. What's the last thing that goes through a fly's mind when it hits a windscreen?
A. It's arse!

:orglaugh

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Created by: g-mann

6/14/09 @ 2:31am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Teddy's BBQ Place in Hello Kitty Land on Route 66
Posts: 9,786

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DICTIONARY OF DATING

ATTRACTION... the act of associating horniness with a particular person.

LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT... what occurs when two extremely horny, but not entirely choosy people meet.

DATING... the process of spending enormous amounts of money, time and energy to get better acquainted with a person whom you don't especially like in the present and will learn to like a lot less in the future.

BIRTH CONTROL... avoiding pregnancy through such tactics as swallowing special pills, inserting a diaphragm, using a condom, and dating repulsive men.

EASY... a term used to describe a woman who has the sexual morals of a man.

EYE CONTACT... a method utilized by one person to indicate that they are interested in another. Despite being advised to do so, many men have difficulty looking a woman directly in the eyes, not necessarily due to shyness, but usually due to the fact that a woman's eyes are not located in her chest.

FRIEND... a person in your acquaintance who has some flaw which makes sleeping with him/her totally unappealing.

INDIFFERENCE... a woman's feeling towards a man, which is interpreted by the man to be "playing hard to get".

INTERESTING... a word a man uses to describe a woman who lets him do all the talking.

IRRITATING HABIT... what the endearing little qualities that initially attract two people to each other turn into after a few months together.

LAW OF RELATIVITY... how attractive a given person appears to be is directly proportionate to how unattractive your date is.

NYMPHOMANIAC... a man's term for a woman who wants to have sex more often than he does.

SOBER... condition in which it is almost impossible to fall in love.

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Created by: lickyanice

6/14/09 @ 11:28am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00

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A very hungover man wakes in the morning to find his wife in the kitchen apparently frying his sock.

"What on earth are you doing?" he asks, amazed at what he sees.

His wife replies "I'm doing what you asked me to last night, I'm cooking your sock"

:orglaugh

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Created by: suggs

6/14/09 @ 11:47am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Left of centre
Posts: 6,768

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teacher asks class to name things that end with TOR that eat things
first little boy says ALLIGATOR.very good thats a big word,
second boy says PREDATOR... yes thats another big word,
third boy says VIBARATOR.
Teacher says thats a big word but it doesnt eat anything.
He replies well my sister has one and she says it eats batteries like fuck

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Created by: g-mann

6/15/09 @ 3:04am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Teddy's BBQ Place in Hello Kitty Land on Route 66
Posts: 9,786

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The Orlando Magic thought they could actually win :orglaugh

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Created by: gdiddy

6/15/09 @ 3:12am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Posts: 1,812

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The Orlando Magic thought they could actually win :orglaugh

fucking hilarious

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